This is gonna be an entry about my complaints and awakenings maybe you see yourself in my pain maybe you’re here to laugh at the fact that I have a blog, I get it.
First I wanna order food but I have to save money but I can’t cook so I’m gonna chew on this water. I’m sweating I had two t-shirt changes for my underboob sweat, my hair is doing its own thing which is fucking with me because I like control. Then, yes there is a then and it may trigger my only two readers ( hey you loyal duo) I was afraid to eat watermelon in front of white company today, I know I know. I felt that everyone was waiting for me to take the first piece and I thought, is this still a thing? The watermelon stereotype? It can’t be, cuz I’ve seen two elderly white ladies argue over the last watermelon at the Whole Foods that I always get followed in. Anyway, fuck that, I will not be moved I’m strong I– I.. I ate the watermelon, in the bathroom. I felt like a nursing mother in a fitting room who has been shamed by people in the Baby Gap.
No, I didn’t eat in the bathroom but I did create a funny dialogue in my brain about someone walking in while I’m sitting on the toilet eating watermelon, caught watermelon handed while holding a bowl to catch the juice embarrassingly escaping the side of my mouth. Listen, I take such pride into evolving into a person that no longer submits to white comfort and I am someone who has no issue disrupting the status quo. But here I am that deep resentment of my own self (that I forget I have to check on sometimes and work with keeping it estranged.) There I was still moving within the shadows still hoping not to make too much noise, all this to say, I want an unapologetic hot girl summer I want all my black folks to have an unapologetic hot girl summer, can hot girl summers be genderless? Is it just an expression? I hope so, cuz that’s what I want for yall. And I think that means self interrogating what we’ve internalized, also a little chest sweat, disobedient hair and getting a plate full of watermelon and eating it in front of white people.
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